I am Addiction, The Liar
I sneak into your life, and you believe that I am your friend, a safe place, that I’ll numb you or make you feel amazing. I’ll give you energy so that you can do things that you can’t do without me. I promise you that I’ll be there, so we can soar together through the highest of highs. I am reliable; I deliver. I am there whenever you need me.
But I’ll steal your soul, take away all that’s important to you while you are not looking. I’ll turn you into an angry, unstable, and abusive person. I’ll hijack your brain, and I’ll make you obsess about me. Instead of food, sleep, people… you’ll prefer to sit alone with me.
I’ll turn you into a liar too. You’ll lie to others to hide our relationship, and you’ll lie to yourself, saying I’m good for you. As you waste away in your body, you’ll tell yourself that you’re not addicted to me; that you can stop any time you want. You think I’ve been there through all the good times in your life, and I make life fun. However, I have simply hijacked your brain, and am nothing more than a brain chemical cocktail that your neurotransmitters and reward pathway have become accustomed to.
When we met, you were in your teens, and we had fun together. We’d go out, we’d party hard, the times we had were unbelievable. It’s over 20 years later, and those highs haven’t really been there have they?
I don’t give to you, all I do is take, and if you’re not careful, I will take your friends, family, finances, job, and I may take your life. Once upon a time, I made you feel invincible, yet now you hate yourself because of what you’ve become… because of what I make you do. I give you obsessional thoughts and cravings and make you feel out of your mind, sometimes even psychotic. With me, you may do things you will regret, such as cheat on your partner, rape, bash, steal, degrade or even prostitute yourself.
The more you hate yourself, the more you turn to me. I create a divide in your soul. You can see glimpses of a life without me. Yet, the time that I give you, in peaceful bliss, numbed out or high, is so small compared to the hours and hours you have to suffer waiting for us to get together again. I give you more pain than pleasure. I constantly lie to you, I’m inside your head, in your brain. I don’t care about you. It doesn’t worry me that you could end up living in a shack, with no money for food, or become homeless. You are on a rollercoaster of emotions. Yet, I tell you over and over, that this is life; other people are to blame, it is not you, as we are a team.
I am one of the cruellest things on this earth, yet I can be purchased in a bottle but just $40, or from a dealer for less than $100 bucks. Our relationship can end, but we may need professional help. We are complicated! You can do it! Millions have recovered. You don’t need me. You’re 100% better off without me. I won’t even miss you. I’ve got millions of other people’s lives to destroy.
When you stop lying to yourself about us, we can go separate ways. Neuroplasticity will change the structure of your brain, and receptor cells will drop off. Most of what I’ve stolen from you will return. You’ll have more friends, money, better relationships with your family, you’ll be able to work better, stop lying to yourself, and most importantly of all, you’ll start to like yourself again. You will feel whole, but you will have to learn how to cope with your emotions, rebuild your relationships, set new goals, and much more, to recover from me, a liar called Addiction. Once you like yourself enough, and you get help, you will experience amazing healing. I will become a distant memory, and you will be the driver in your life again!
© 2020 Phoebe Hutchison